The Akatsuki Tales
by Karakashi Iruna
Summary: The Akatsuki member when their bored. Warning strong laguage used due to Hidanchan.
1. The Bored Deidara

**AKATSUKI DRABBLES**

**AKATSUKI DRABLES**

**Chapter 1: A Bored Deidara**

**Deidara was sitting all alone, Leader was out doing who knows what, Itachi and Kisame were out on a mission, Sasori was dead (that's what he gets for relying on bad art), Zetsu and Tobi were out looking for Sasori's body to burn it since Zetsu can't eat it, and Hidan was no fun to be with because he just taught his dumb Jashin religion, and Kakuzu just yelled at people for wasting money on dumb things like food and water. So, Deidara sat there bored to tears. He turned the TV on but then had flashback to when Sasori told him to much TV was bad for and he didn't want to remember his danna's death, no, not then and not ever. **

**To pass the time away Deidara made his little clay figures and hid them in all the members rooms, except Kakuzu and Leader because they would beat him senseless if he tried to blow up the money or the Leader. The bombs sat in the rooms until Deidara felt like blowing them up but he delayed the reaction of the other members when the bombs go off.**

**Itachi was first, as soon as he walked into his room, _BOOM,_ the shampoo exploded and Deidara smiled as he looked at Itachi covered in a black dust from the explosion, but the red sharigan eyes that Itachi had activated were now glaring at him.**

**"That was my 45 dollar shampoo that I just bought, _DEIDARA!_" Itachi yelled as loud as he could, which was very loud, enough to crack the mirror.**

**"Sorry, I was really bored and- wait can I meet your younger brother, yeah?" Deidara said trying to avoid punishment.**

**"No, I killed all the Uchihas," Itachi said defending his honor of being the only Akatsuki member to kill his entire clan.**

**"No, I know that you saved your brother, yeah," Deidara was poking at Itachi's thin nerve until he gave in.**

**"Fine I'll let you, but you should know he's nothing special."**

**"Yah! I get to meet Itachi-san's little brother, yeah."**

**"Hey, Kisame has only ever seen Sasuke, so be nice and quite blowing up my shampoo before Kakuzu bans me from bathing, 'kay?"**

**"Right, Itachi."**

**Once they got ready Itachi suggested that they leave their cloaks and hats in the hideout because they weren't going there to fight just to see Sasuke. They got to Konoha in record time because they were riding on Deidara's giant bird (which Itachi admitted was much better on his feet than walking). Deidara made some comments on how incredibly ugly the village's design was until finally they arrived at the Uchiha household. **

**Itachi didn't even knock on the door he just walked right on in, as if it wasn't illegal to break into someone's house for a visit. Sasuke was sitting on the couch and when Deidara saw him he ran over and started hugging him like Sasuke's aunt did when she hadn't seen him in years.**

**"So cute, your brother is so cute I could just eat him up, yeah," Deidara said kissing Sasuke on the checks. Sasuke, who has no clue that Deidara is a guy, blushed a bit.**

**"Um, Itachi what in the world are you doing here, I really don't think that I'm ready for a fair fight, and who is you friend and why is she kissing me like I'm a doll?" he asked.**

**Not catching the mistake that Sasuke made by calling Deidara a girl, Deidara simply said, "I don't have any living family members so that makes you even cuter, yeah." Deidara combed his fingers through Sasuke's hair as his face got redder and redder.**

**"Well, if you are Itachi's friend, then you are my enemy just like he is," Sasuke said trying to push Deidara away but really didn't try to and Deidara knew this and continued to hug the little Uchiha.**

**"But you're so cute, yeah!"**

**"Like I care what Itachi friend's thinks about me," Sasuke said still blushing.**

**"You're so cute though, yeah," Deidara continued still hugging him to death. Sasuke was blushing madly. **

**As Deidara continued to hug Sasuke, Sakura walked into the room. "S-Sasuke-kun, I didn't know you were having guests? I'm sorry for barging in it's just that, well, I'm so sorry. Um, Sasuke-kun who are these people anyway?"**

**"Sakura, this is my older, soon to be dead, brother," Sasuke pointed to Itachi, who glared at Sasuke, "and this is his friend," pointing to Deidara.**

**"Aw, so your little Uchiha Sasuke-chan's girlfriend, yeah," Sakura blushed when Deidara called her Sasuke's girlfriend.**

**"I guess you could say that."**

**"What?! We are not boyfriend and girlfriend," Sasuke said so the blond wouldn't walk away without giving him a good bye kiss, but the blond left with Itachi when they realized that they had been there for almost an hour since they had arrived at the Uchiha household and they had to leave before Leader got really made at them. So, Sasuke didn't get a seconded kiss with Deidara.**

**"That was one odd looking guy," Sakura said obviously referring to Deidara. Sauke fainted after hearing that Itachi's friend, that he thought was a girl, was a boy.**

**A/n: well please comment! I upload the next chapter tomorrow!**


	2. Sasori and Deidara

**AKATSUKI DRABBLES**

**CHAPTER 2: Sasori and Deidara**

**Deidara stared out at the blank TV. ever since Sasori died Deidara felt like a big part of him was missing. He always had these weird memories of his danna.**

_**Flashback**_

**Deidara sat down while listening to an ipod that he barrowed from Itachi (aka. stole) and Sasori walked out of his room to see his new partner was adjusting just fine from being constantly chased by the ANBU to being the lazy, non-motivated person that he really was. Sasori wondered why the blond even joined Akatsuki, was is for protection or just to sit around and not do anything all day._ That brat's going to be in for it on his first mission. I wonder if he's even going to live though it?_**

**Sasori watched the new boy turn the volume up on the ipod and then turn it off_. Oh, so he's going to put it back and then Itachi's going to go deaf. Ha, like Itachi would fall for something so stupid, but I'd have to say he's pretty brave to try to pull a prank on Itachi._**

**"Deidara, have you seen my ipod," Itachi asked and Deidara pointed to the table where it had been before. Sasori waited for Itachi to turn down the volume knowing that it was just a dumb prank, but Itachi put the head phones in his ears and turned it on. Suddenly Sasori heard "Whisper" by Evanescence playing loudly and Itachi had fallen over due to shock. Deidara was laughing his head off and Sasori was shocked that Mister Uchiha couldn't figure out that it was a trap. _Maybe the brat's not so bad after all, but it was just a dumb prank._**

_**End of Flashback**_

**Deidara stared at the motionless TV. as Tobi walked by and sat next to him. Deidara glared at him to make him leave, but sadly Tobi sat there unfazed by Deidara's glare.**

_**Flashback**_

**Deidara walked into his new room. He had just become a member of Akatsuki and was getting his room as well as his partner. Sitting on the bed, that would not be his, was a puppet. The puppet was short and had a black mask covering his face. The puppet looked over at his new partner and was disappointed to find that it was just a kid. His last partner was an old man that was always just there. Annoying the hell out of all the others, particularly Itachi, but Deidara was a partner and Leader-sama told him he can't use the jutsu on his partners.**

**Deidara sat next to his new partner and looked at him or more of stared at Sasori. Sasori glared at his new partner. Deidara ignored Sasori's rude glare and smiled at him.**

_**End of Flashback**_

**Deidara sighed a heavy sigh, his partner was dead and nothing in the world would change that. Just to make his life worse his new partner was the very annoying Tobi. _I wonder what Sasori no danna thought of me?_**

_**Flashback**_

**"Deidara, pick up your side of the room! I'm tired of living in this dump of an apartment."**

**"But its art, yeah."**

**"What is the art of a big mess like this?"**

**"It reminds me of an explosion, yeah."**

**"Your art is disfigured and stupid looking."**

**"Waaaaaaaaah! Sasori no danna, don't you love me, yeah?" Deidara cried.**

**"Hey, stop crying it's not normal for Akatsuki to cry. Look, I didn't mean to be so mean, 'kay? So stop crying."**

**"I'm not crying, yeah!" Deidara wiped the tears from his eyes and pouted.**

**"Sure you're not. Here," Sasori stuck his hand out to help Deidara to his feet, "Let's go get some ice cream or something." **

**"Yeah," Sasori looked at the little boy who's eyes were red from crying and he smiled at him then turned away to hide his blushing.**

_**End of Flashback**_

**Deidara never stopped sulking about his danna's death. All the members tried to cheer him up but nothing worked.

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A/N: Yay! Second chapter, Actually I have this story written up to chapter 7, but I don't feel like loading it. Please do Comment. . '


	3. Kisame and a Date

AKATSUKI DRABBLES

Chapter 3: The Fishman and a Date

Kisame sat down at the table looking at a girl in a black mini skirt and tank-top. She had black hair and sat quietly as Kisame went through some files.

"It looks like you are a girl," Kisame said pretending to be a detective, the girl sitting in front of him slapped him in the face.

"Of course I'm a girl. Now, get me my date with Itachi like you said you would if I played this dumb game with you."

"How about a date with me instead?"

She slapped him again. "You said you'd get me a date with Itachi, I want my date now. It's Friday, 7 and I want my date now," the girl yelled slapping Kisame. "I quit!"

Another girl walked in. "So, when will my date with Itachi be?"

"Um, Never."

The girl left as did all the girls that had come by only because Kisame said that he could get them a date with Itachi just so he could get a date to impress a certain competitor that he met at the bar. His name was Chushiji, and he was always surrounded by beautiful women that adored him. All Kisame needed to impress this guy was for Itachi to date one of the beautiful woman so they would go with Kisame to the bar to brag, but the fear that Itachi killing him or worse, the girls falling in love with Chushiji, always stopped him.

_Flashback_

"Itachi-san, Do you want to go on a date with one these beauties so I can show that bastard, Chushiji, that I too have fan girls?" Kisame bravely asked one morning.

"No."

_End of Flashback_

Then there was a bang in his head. Well, something really did go bang. It was Kisame's fish tank. He had stop putting fish in there since Deidara started experimenting with his fish bombs. Then Kisame thought, what if Deidara pretended to be a girl to impress Chushiji. It's perfect because 1) Deidara looks like a hot chick already and 2) he won't fall for Chushiji's tricks because he's a guy.

"Hey, Deidara want to pretend to be a-"

"No, I'm not posing for anymore of Kakuzu-san's stupid pictures to sell on ebay, yeah!!"

"Um, actually I wanted to know if you'd pretend to be my girlfriend." Deidara burst out laughing. "I'm serious, look how 'bout I buy you and Sasori tickets to that new art museum."

"Hmm, okay but don't make me buy you another fish tank, yeah."

"Deal."

That night Deidara wore a nice blue dress and god it took everything Kisame had not to have a nosebleed and he still had one.

Deidara blushed. "Is it too much, yeah?"

"OH SHIT, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THE POOR CHICK, KISAME?" Hidan yelled staring at Deidara in the dress and matching high heels.

"AHHHHHHHHH! It was to much, yeah! DANNA!!! Help I need to change, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Woo Deidara, you look perfect," Kisame said.

"OH MY MOTHER FUCKING GOD, YOU'RE DATING A GUY!?" Hidan yelled sarcasticlly. "DEIDARA'S GONNA DATE A BOY!!!!"

"SHUT THE FUCKING HELL UP YOU STUPID FUCKING PRIEST, YEAH!!!! QUIT CALLING ME A GIRL, DUMBASS, YEAH!! Kisame said I'd get tickets to go to an art museum if I went with him, and Kakuzu made this especially for me, yeah." Hidan stared. For a moment Deidara looked really hot to him, and he never was interested in girls, or boys. Wait Kakuzu made that? Boy, did Hidan have the dirt on him.

Once they got there Kisame pointed out who they were trying to impress and all the girls who were one his side. He also told Deidara to try to make the other girls like Kisame rather than Chushiji. Deidara responded with, "I can't do the impossible," Kisame laughed then realized he was just insulted.

"Why Kisame-kun you're not alone this time. Are you planning to get that lovely girl so drunk…" Chushiji was cut off by Deidara's hotness as a girl. "My, my, what a lovely little girl," Chushiji said holding Deidara's hands, "Why would a cute little girl like you be doing with an ugly fishman like Kisame-kun?" Then one of Deidara's hands bit the poor guy.

"What the hell do you want, yeah?" Deidara said pushing Chushiji's hands away.

"What ever Kisame-kun paid you I'll not only double it, but I'll also give you the best date ever."

"Dipshit the dumb bastard ain't… oh, no he is, yeah."

"Deidara!" Kisame yelled from his seat at the table.

"Look, I ain't interested in any deal you want, yeah. I got a date with Itachi after this."

"I-Itachi, oh, I see he's my only rival that I'm actually worried about beating me in having the most fans," Chushiji said bowing his head. _Ha, no girl can deny me with this technique_

"I'm not trying to be… oh damn, I am being mean, but you know what who gives a shit, yeah."

"Wow, you're not like the others are you?" Chushiji said holding Deidara's hands again, trying to ignore them chewing on him. "You're much cuter." He pulled Deidara into a kiss.

Deidara stuck his hand in Chushiji's face and the mouth on his hand bit hard on Chushiji's nose and it began to bleed all the girls ran to his aid.

"SASORI NO DANNA I DIDN'T MEAN TO, I MEAN HE STARTED IT AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, yeah!!!!!!!!!!! DANNA DON'T BE MAD, yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Why would I be mad?" Sasori said coming up from behind Deidara. "What did you do this time, Deidara?"

"DANNA! It was his fault!"

"What?" a girl yelled, "you're the one to blame I mean you hit him! It's not his fault he wanted to kiss you that should be a blessing."

"You were kissed by a guy."

Deidara slowly nodded.

"HOW COULD YOU, YOU TWO TIMING JERK?!"

"But, danna it's not my fault, yeah."

"I'm just kidding, 'kay. Oh, I gotta go. Zetsu is going to eat anther one of my old subordinates, and he says I have to be there."

"'Kay, I' m going out with Itachi later anyway, yeah. Only because he begged, yeah."

Chushiji reached for Deidara but accidentally rubbed Deidara's butt. Deidara's face turned bright red then he stuck his hand in a clay bag that he brought every where and made a bomb. The whole place blew up in the bomb.

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**Iruna:** Ok, that Saori thing coming in was a little random. 


End file.
